It happened!

Opening myself out into the blog was only possible due to anonymity behind it (except of course for the few who I have shared this to). In truth though, I am a very private person. Through the years, I have slowly put up more and more walls around myself with allowing very few to get through. All the heartbreaks, drama, and pain simply piled on more to my walls, my defenses.

Slight tangent... since my last relationship, I have imposed 3 rules for myself when it comes to dating:

1. I do not date anyone two years younger or older than myself.

2. I do not date friends, or friends of family because if shit hits the fan, you can never go back.

3. I do not date Filipinos (I adapted this from one of my best friends... I have enough Filipino drama on my end. Why should I add more to my drama?)

Then enter... Fatima. She changed everything for me. My walls shattered into a million pieces... every instinct reversed. Totally unexpected... every single rule that I had. For the first time in a very long time, I was fully open to someone, defenseless and I wasn't even drunk. The vulnerability was absolutely scary for me. I was surprised at the change in me. All because of her... Fatima.

I don't know if its typical for most guys...

...but I find myself to be a sucker for chicks in skirts. There are ladies out there who wear barely there skirts practically showing their stuff; these I find, although arousing, down right skanky. A properly worn skirt on a lady can be amazing!

I have met a variety of women/girls in my lifetime may it be from my family, friends or ex's. I have met the high maintenance types, those who done give a shit and even the succubi that suck you dry. From this I found that the ideal gal I like to meet would be someone simple enough that they are able to let their hair down, wear a nice pair of jeans and a clean shirt to go out on a casual stroll or a walk down the beach. But at the same time don the right dress/skirt for the appropriate occasion. I am a man of simple taste who enjoys the simple life and cherish the little things. Someday, perhaps...

Went to bed at midnight and I woke up a half hour ago... my body is itching to get more sleep yet my brain keeps racing. At this point in time, right at this very moment... I am so lost and I don't know what to do with myself, with my life. I don't know if I am just too burnt out or bogged down or just tired of bullshit.



OH ya... so I don't know what it was but last night something snapped in me just out of nowhere. I have this nephew, CBAZ. I love this kid. He is intelligent, energetic and absolutely spoiled. As much as my love my family, this kid has just been spoiled rotten. I admit there have been less than a handful of times where I may have chipped in to this but damn. Last night like any family get together, there was a table FULL of food for our Easter feast. This 3 year old says he only wants eggs and rice... eggs and rice. Guess what everybody does, they scramble to make eggs and rice (well, just the eggs... what Filipino feast would it be if there was no rice). It just, ugh, pushes me the wrong way. Shit.

I remember when I was growing up how my aunt cooked and served us a handful of rice and a pinch of salt for dinner to teach us how those less fortunate would eat and how lucky we are so have what we have. I still remember the taste of rice and salt in my mouth... and how my stomach rumble soon after I finished that handful.

I am nowhere near perfect. If you have read this blog, it would be obvious enough.

I guess it was bound to happen but last week, I went on my first "Match.com" date. I must say it was quite a relief to find out that there are still some intelligent ladies out there. I had almost given up. For confidentiality's sake, I am renaming her, Kasey. She is a very knowledgeable, interesting, and pretty lady. She is very active and can most definitely kick my butt with her extensive martial arts experience. The best part was that we managed to have a very engaging, intelligent conversation that lasted hours. We went out for a nice dinner (oh and she's an adventurous eater... big plus in my department) and we just started chatting about everything. It was quite refreshing.
I enjoyed her company very much and would very much like to see where this can go. After all, it was only the first date. But if this keep up... could be interesting. Oh ya.. another thing she's not engaged! .. at least to my knowledge. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

holy mother.. its been a while!

Recap of the past 2 weeks:

1. Ended a "Friends with benefits" arrangement... the opposite party got attached. I know it seems very hypocritical of me to be looking for love when I there is one in front of me who wants in. Yes, I agree but I know this chick and I can not trust her. Sex is great but I can't trust her outside the bedroom.

2. I joined a functional fitness class at the gyms. I can sum it all up in one word, SORE. Fabulous workout with an  amazing instructor. No pain, no gain, right?

3. I finished Kitchen Confidential... great read. Now moving on to Hunger Game and I am finishing up its final pages. Its a quick easy read but like some critics that I have seen... reminds me a lot of a Japanese flick from several years back "Battle Royale" (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it). The book itself was well written and the story is decent. Good enough to read while in the shitter.. where I do most of my reading anyway.

So now that you are up to date. This week, I got my first reply off of Match.com. Great potential but of course things may change over the next week or two. Hopefully, we get a chance to meet, chat and get a better feel for each other. Wish me luck!

my bed is just staring at me...

Another typical night, I can not sleep. So, I figured I would just type around a while. It has been over a week since my last post anyhow. I started reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain... HILARIOUS! He just talks about his exploits on his journey to being a chef. A lot of the shit he talks about makes me cringe, a little, but also very enlightening. I have so many books I want to read and their all waiting for me at the foot of my bed. Hunger Games is next on the list since my whole family has been raving about it.

On a totally different note, I laid on my bed no more than 10 minutes ago. As I turned off my lamp and placed my head on my well-worn pillow, the first thought in my head was 'Damn.' I miss laying down feeling the soft tender skin of someone I love. I miss the rhythm of their soft breaths even the gentle scent on their hair (I noticed that I have never slept with a gal whose hair did not smell great). I know that a lot of people who do not know me very well think that I am a crass individual, some regard me as a pig, heck a downright slut to some. I am a softy though. Just one of those looking for the right one but most of the time finding the 'right now's . I can't help it most of the time... I am a very impulsive person who has a very addictive personality. By that I mean... I get addicted and hooked HARD.

MY bed!!!

3 years ago, I was broke, fat, unhealthy and sat in front of the computer 20 hours at a time playing a video game and yet I had no trouble with chicks. We would go out, fuck, go to the movies. They would send me provocative photos whenever I asked. I did not spend a dime nor did I bother to change. Now that I have a successful career, healthier, skinnier and barely on the computer, I can barely find a fucking date. What a bitch! Won't stop me from trying though. As Dory from Finding Nemo used to say... 'just keep swimming.'

day 52... let's try this again

I take no credit for this photo.

So I am not the type of person who would give up so easily. A few days ago, I resubscribed to an online dating website. The last time I was in, I did not have any luck at all until the last two days of my subscription when I received a 'wink' , as they call it from this gal. We started off with a nice dinner date at the bar and grill then ended up taking a 3 hour walk around town. We talked each others' ears off. All in all a great first date! Very eager to see each other again, we took the train to downtown Chicago and spent the night at Navy Pier. We took a ride on the Ferris Wheel (if you have never been on the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel at night, I highly suggest you do so... the view of the Chicago skyline is simply amazing). She even came by out of nowhere to drop of lunch for me at work; I mean come on... sounds perfect, right? A few days later, I receive a text message saying that she could not talk to me anymore. After finally prying it out of her, she told me that she was engaged and that she was moving in her fiance... talk about getting mind-fucked. Days ago, I was in one of the best dates I have had by far.. and now. Shit.

And then the kicker... months later, she calls me up totally out of the blue and asks how I was doing. Then she tells me her story... her fiance ended up being a prick and broke of the engagement as they planned the wedding. And she wanted to go out with me again and see what happens.

Now I am giving it another whirl... after trying the traditional pick ups to speed dating. I am willing to give this another chance. Wish me luck!!!!


**RANT** (Peter Griffin of Family Guy) You know what really grinds my gears... every fucking body on Facebook posting RIP notes about Whitney Houston. YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW HER, STFU! She was another celebrity who wasted away her talent, fame and credibility and ended up being a junkie. Live on with your life and keep giving us updates that no one cares about!


If any of my loved ones have posted of Whitney Houston... know that I love you and I do not think any less of you.