So that date I had from Match.com turned out well, though not in the direction that I would have liked. I made a new friend! She is just like one of the guys. She's certainly a breathe of fresh air... for me at least. We almost have all the same interests! Funny fact... she could probably kick my ass if she wanted to. So there's an interesting twist.

So a few weeks ago, my twin cousins came to visit from the Philippines... all I can say is WOW! They have grown so much. I still remember putting on those baby carriers front and back so they would both be hanging on me or when I used to push them around on their two- seater stroller. Now they are just as tall as I am. Time sure flies.

I have to be honest when I was growing up, I was jealous of my twin cousins. One, they got EVERYBODY's attention including my own mother. Well, at least that was how it felt like to me. Secondly, they were never alone... at worst they would have each other. Its irrational I know but at that time, I could not help it.

I have issues... I know.

041611

As the years go by we encounter challenges and choices that either build or break us. We always remember the many accomplishments and accolades we receive with trophies, certificates... pieces of paper, wood or metal that remind us of such triumphs. Our mistakes, on the other hand, we let fade into memory and why wouldn't you. But as we all, there are bells that can never be un-rung.

Inked into my wrist, 041611 marks my most haunting memory thus far. A year ago, I sat there in the waiting room watching the second hand of the clock tick away as my girlfriend, at that time, was wheeled into the procedure room for the abortion of what would have been my child. I am not trying to justify what I had consented to but there various circumstances that contributed to this decision. Primarily, there was a complication with the implantation where my girlfriend continued to bleed due to issue with the umbilical cord. I could not allow her to take on such a risk for herself. Secondly, I am ashamed to say was more of a selfish reason. I would have loved to have a son/daughter... but just not with her. This girl who I knowingly allowed myself to be manipulated.

If I go back a year ago.. under the same circumstances, would I decide to do so again? I don't know. The one thing I know for sure is that... this has not been a moment that I have forgotten that moment and I do not intend to do so. I made sure of that with the tattoo on my wrist. All I can say is.. I am sorry for what was and what could have been...

so there i was...

...gasping for breath, framing up, and pinned under a 200lb guy as we roll out our last 4 minute round in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class, when I realized how much I miss martial arts and of how badly I have deprived my body of productive physical activity over the winter months that I had been away from all this. I manage to recompose myself into my guard as the timer rings the end of the round. Class ends leaving me drenched in sweat (for the ladies: I was GLISTENING in sweat), bruised but not broken. I am determined and willing. I will do better.

There are a lot of things to look forward to in the coming months but in the forefront is BJJ tournament in May. Two things on my list essential for this upcoming event training and weight. I currently walk around in the 173lb range, though I do not look like I do. With roughly 7 weeks to go, I aim to lose 1-2lbs a week dropping me into 160s for the Lightweight division. Its going to be quite a task but I have done it it before and I will do it again!