my bed is just staring at me...

Another typical night, I can not sleep. So, I figured I would just type around a while. It has been over a week since my last post anyhow. I started reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain... HILARIOUS! He just talks about his exploits on his journey to being a chef. A lot of the shit he talks about makes me cringe, a little, but also very enlightening. I have so many books I want to read and their all waiting for me at the foot of my bed. Hunger Games is next on the list since my whole family has been raving about it.

On a totally different note, I laid on my bed no more than 10 minutes ago. As I turned off my lamp and placed my head on my well-worn pillow, the first thought in my head was 'Damn.' I miss laying down feeling the soft tender skin of someone I love. I miss the rhythm of their soft breaths even the gentle scent on their hair (I noticed that I have never slept with a gal whose hair did not smell great). I know that a lot of people who do not know me very well think that I am a crass individual, some regard me as a pig, heck a downright slut to some. I am a softy though. Just one of those looking for the right one but most of the time finding the 'right now's . I can't help it most of the time... I am a very impulsive person who has a very addictive personality. By that I mean... I get addicted and hooked HARD.

MY bed!!!

3 years ago, I was broke, fat, unhealthy and sat in front of the computer 20 hours at a time playing a video game and yet I had no trouble with chicks. We would go out, fuck, go to the movies. They would send me provocative photos whenever I asked. I did not spend a dime nor did I bother to change. Now that I have a successful career, healthier, skinnier and barely on the computer, I can barely find a fucking date. What a bitch! Won't stop me from trying though. As Dory from Finding Nemo used to say... 'just keep swimming.'

I was never really alone...

Thank you to Chris for this photo.

When I started this post, I was not alone. (Aside from my birthday hook up) Laying by my feet as I wrote was Sunny, my cousin's golden retriever. He was the closest one I have ever had as a pet. He kept my feet warm and the floor wet with slobber. Late last night, we had to say goodbye to our dear Sunny.

So this post I dedicate to you. I remember the many walks we took so that you had to do your business and your recent connect the dots escapade. I miss the times when you would jump out of nowhere and hump my leg like there was no tomorrow. I still cringe at the thought of the camping trips we had when you sat with me... my balls still shrivel when I think of the many many times you stepped on them in your anxiety. I remember in the middle of the night in Galena when I stepped into a whole puddle of your pee because you were home sick. And of course, who can forget your daring leap into the lake that caused everybody to panic.

Its a shame you could not be my wingman for the summer. I am sure we could have gotten plenty of bitches for me and you too, I guess. I thank you for keeping me company this past December, my birthday, our nice little 3am strolls. I am sorry if I traumatized you when you walked in on me nailin some randoms...hey, I tried to keep you out with those boxes but you were just so darn persistent. I hope the treats we gave you were enough of a payback. You will always be our Sunny..go score with some bitches in doggy heaven.

What's so smart about a Smart car?

I do not really know what the deal is with Smart cars though one thing I am sure of is that whoever drives them really should get a qualification test of some sort. I honestly believe that you at least have to be a smart driver to use this vehicle.

As I was driving around today, I almost crashed into one of these waiting-to-be a train wreck of a design. The driver of the 'Smart' car turned moved into my lane without signaling and most likely without even looking. The idiot almost hit my Cindi (Cindi is my Honda Civic). Sure enough a stream of honking came from my end. Ugh. I know that I can be a reckless driver at times but some drivers out there are just outright stupid. As they say, you can fix dumb but you can't fix stupid.

------- to another point

Great time last night, ended up going out for drinks and onto a random chick's bed. Not a first by any means but a first that I actually ended up sleeping over for the night. Waking up to a whole load of awkwardness on my part since I am particularly familiar with the post-hookup morning protocol. Great gal, great night... I need to do some homework on this.

its been 45 days...

..since my last drink and now, hello vodka my old friend. It is Valentine's day, enough said. I know its a made up holiday but the idea behind it gets me a little down. I have spent plenty a Valentine's making romantic gestures with significant others. Yet I live on! Goose and Coke for the win.

Cheers bitches! Happy Valentine's Day!

day 52... let's try this again

I take no credit for this photo.

So I am not the type of person who would give up so easily. A few days ago, I resubscribed to an online dating website. The last time I was in, I did not have any luck at all until the last two days of my subscription when I received a 'wink' , as they call it from this gal. We started off with a nice dinner date at the bar and grill then ended up taking a 3 hour walk around town. We talked each others' ears off. All in all a great first date! Very eager to see each other again, we took the train to downtown Chicago and spent the night at Navy Pier. We took a ride on the Ferris Wheel (if you have never been on the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel at night, I highly suggest you do so... the view of the Chicago skyline is simply amazing). She even came by out of nowhere to drop of lunch for me at work; I mean come on... sounds perfect, right? A few days later, I receive a text message saying that she could not talk to me anymore. After finally prying it out of her, she told me that she was engaged and that she was moving in her fiance... talk about getting mind-fucked. Days ago, I was in one of the best dates I have had by far.. and now. Shit.

And then the kicker... months later, she calls me up totally out of the blue and asks how I was doing. Then she tells me her story... her fiance ended up being a prick and broke of the engagement as they planned the wedding. And she wanted to go out with me again and see what happens.

Now I am giving it another whirl... after trying the traditional pick ups to speed dating. I am willing to give this another chance. Wish me luck!!!!


**RANT** (Peter Griffin of Family Guy) You know what really grinds my gears... every fucking body on Facebook posting RIP notes about Whitney Houston. YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW HER, STFU! She was another celebrity who wasted away her talent, fame and credibility and ended up being a junkie. Live on with your life and keep giving us updates that no one cares about!


If any of my loved ones have posted of Whitney Houston... know that I love you and I do not think any less of you.

booo Giants

as promised to continue...
...she reach down to my no no parts and I was in total shock. I mean I was 14 years old and I could not understand what was happening. It felt like my whole body just shut down; I went numb. She took me by the hand and walked me into the adjacent room. It was totally dark and cold. My brain raced a million miles a minute. She pulled down my shorts and tidy whities then she proceeded to perform oral sex. Through all this I could not react... I just did not know how I was supposed to. I felt both a sense of pleasure, guilt, and shame all at the same time. After the whole thing ended, (for the dudes who are wondering... yes, she swallowed) she walked me out the door. She stuffed my pocket with a ₱100 bill and with a smile on her face she says, "Come back again tomorrow." Still unsure and confused at what just happened, I answered "Okay."


The walk home felt like the longest walk I have ever made in my life time. I was still trying to figure out what exactly happened. I did not know if I was supposed to tell someone or keep it a secret and even if I did, who was I supposed to tell. When I finally got home, I remembered just sitting on my bed just balled up in utter disbelief. Falling out of my pocket, I saw the ₱100 she shoved in there. Of all the thoughts that was flashing through my mind, the one that came out was... Wow, I just made ₱100. I mean how fucked up is that. I just got molested and the thing that stuck it my brain was money! I have looked back into this incident many times over the years and the only conclusion I could think of was that I was in defensive mode... trying to look past how I was violated. And I think that was what brought me back over to her door the next day.


It felt like I just emotionally shut out a part of myself...to my own reasoning, I was trying to take control (now, I know that I was just fooling myself). I knocked on that door...and it just escalated from the previous day. This went on for almost four months... some times she'd have her gal pals or gay friends over to watch. It was fucked up. I really do not know what went through my head in all that. I think that is why now-a-days, casual sex comes somewhat naturally. At the end of the day, I still long for that special someone who can help me make some sense out of my life... I am just fucked up.

work and Business 101

When I was young, I was quite the entrepreneur. At the age of six, I worked on an 'ice candy' (FACTOID: ice candy are juices or sweet savory drinks placed in tube shaped plastic bags...basically a makeshift popsicle) business. Sadly my little venture failed because I ended up consuming all the ice candy I attempted to sell.

Three years later, I actually started working. My cousin had gotten me into a small dance group to publicize a new fast food chain, Jollibee. After several performances and the company boomed, we turned into greeters at their main location. Being my ambitious self, I took on more tasks than just putting on a smiley face and greet diners as they walked into the door. I started busing tables and taking orders. I guess the sad part was hat we were paid with food coupons but it certainly kept me entertained for the summer.


Onto sixth grade, I continued the dance promotions with our school's dance team. At that time, our client was a arcade/ recreation center. We dance at malls, stages. It was fun! This time around, instead of food coupons we got paid with game tokens and ride tickets! During this time, I also took my hand in business again. I started selling adult playing cards. I sold each card like those collectible baseball/ basketball cards. I even had small albums to protect my products! Being in an all boys Catholic school, I had a market craving for it. I took my dealings in the bathroom to keep away from the faculty and staff. I made a very sizable profit.


A year later as internet cafe's started sprouting around the neighborhood, my business plan shifted. I started downloading pictures and clips of pornography and sold them. I would save them in floppy disks labeling them with various school subject titles...(yes, sex sells folks and i learned that pretty early on).


The following year, well, probably a fact that only three people know about... It was a quiet Sunday afternoon. I got a haircut at this lady's hair salon and I was her last client for the day. Drapes down and we were alone. As she finished up, she reached down and .... Going to a Super Bowl get together To be continued