041611

As the years go by we encounter challenges and choices that either build or break us. We always remember the many accomplishments and accolades we receive with trophies, certificates... pieces of paper, wood or metal that remind us of such triumphs. Our mistakes, on the other hand, we let fade into memory and why wouldn't you. But as we all, there are bells that can never be un-rung.

Inked into my wrist, 041611 marks my most haunting memory thus far. A year ago, I sat there in the waiting room watching the second hand of the clock tick away as my girlfriend, at that time, was wheeled into the procedure room for the abortion of what would have been my child. I am not trying to justify what I had consented to but there various circumstances that contributed to this decision. Primarily, there was a complication with the implantation where my girlfriend continued to bleed due to issue with the umbilical cord. I could not allow her to take on such a risk for herself. Secondly, I am ashamed to say was more of a selfish reason. I would have loved to have a son/daughter... but just not with her. This girl who I knowingly allowed myself to be manipulated.

If I go back a year ago.. under the same circumstances, would I decide to do so again? I don't know. The one thing I know for sure is that... this has not been a moment that I have forgotten that moment and I do not intend to do so. I made sure of that with the tattoo on my wrist. All I can say is.. I am sorry for what was and what could have been...

so there i was...

...gasping for breath, framing up, and pinned under a 200lb guy as we roll out our last 4 minute round in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class, when I realized how much I miss martial arts and of how badly I have deprived my body of productive physical activity over the winter months that I had been away from all this. I manage to recompose myself into my guard as the timer rings the end of the round. Class ends leaving me drenched in sweat (for the ladies: I was GLISTENING in sweat), bruised but not broken. I am determined and willing. I will do better.

There are a lot of things to look forward to in the coming months but in the forefront is BJJ tournament in May. Two things on my list essential for this upcoming event training and weight. I currently walk around in the 173lb range, though I do not look like I do. With roughly 7 weeks to go, I aim to lose 1-2lbs a week dropping me into 160s for the Lightweight division. Its going to be quite a task but I have done it it before and I will do it again!

I don't know if its typical for most guys...

...but I find myself to be a sucker for chicks in skirts. There are ladies out there who wear barely there skirts practically showing their stuff; these I find, although arousing, down right skanky. A properly worn skirt on a lady can be amazing!

I have met a variety of women/girls in my lifetime may it be from my family, friends or ex's. I have met the high maintenance types, those who done give a shit and even the succubi that suck you dry. From this I found that the ideal gal I like to meet would be someone simple enough that they are able to let their hair down, wear a nice pair of jeans and a clean shirt to go out on a casual stroll or a walk down the beach. But at the same time don the right dress/skirt for the appropriate occasion. I am a man of simple taste who enjoys the simple life and cherish the little things. Someday, perhaps...

Went to bed at midnight and I woke up a half hour ago... my body is itching to get more sleep yet my brain keeps racing. At this point in time, right at this very moment... I am so lost and I don't know what to do with myself, with my life. I don't know if I am just too burnt out or bogged down or just tired of bullshit.



OH ya... so I don't know what it was but last night something snapped in me just out of nowhere. I have this nephew, CBAZ. I love this kid. He is intelligent, energetic and absolutely spoiled. As much as my love my family, this kid has just been spoiled rotten. I admit there have been less than a handful of times where I may have chipped in to this but damn. Last night like any family get together, there was a table FULL of food for our Easter feast. This 3 year old says he only wants eggs and rice... eggs and rice. Guess what everybody does, they scramble to make eggs and rice (well, just the eggs... what Filipino feast would it be if there was no rice). It just, ugh, pushes me the wrong way. Shit.

I remember when I was growing up how my aunt cooked and served us a handful of rice and a pinch of salt for dinner to teach us how those less fortunate would eat and how lucky we are so have what we have. I still remember the taste of rice and salt in my mouth... and how my stomach rumble soon after I finished that handful.

I am nowhere near perfect. If you have read this blog, it would be obvious enough.

I guess it was bound to happen but last week, I went on my first "Match.com" date. I must say it was quite a relief to find out that there are still some intelligent ladies out there. I had almost given up. For confidentiality's sake, I am renaming her, Kasey. She is a very knowledgeable, interesting, and pretty lady. She is very active and can most definitely kick my butt with her extensive martial arts experience. The best part was that we managed to have a very engaging, intelligent conversation that lasted hours. We went out for a nice dinner (oh and she's an adventurous eater... big plus in my department) and we just started chatting about everything. It was quite refreshing.
I enjoyed her company very much and would very much like to see where this can go. After all, it was only the first date. But if this keep up... could be interesting. Oh ya.. another thing she's not engaged! .. at least to my knowledge. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

I think if anyone were to tell you that they have no regrets in life they are lying. I am no different. I certainly have regrets and many things that I could have done differently but as to whether or not I would like to change anything... I don't think so. All the regrets and mistakes I have made in the past have shaped me into the person I am today. Life has its twists and turns if it didnt..then life would be pretty boring. We all have challenges that come along and its how we react when we stumble that shows our true character. I am nowhere near perfect and I wouldnt want to be (too much pressure) though I try to do the best I can. I live life trying to find the best in people and I to stay open to the possibilities. I know what I want in life but I also know that I probably wont get everything that I want.


The one thing I can say is that I do miss simpler times.