A memory...

Every morning, I wake up... smash the snooze button on my alarm clock several times until the last possible moment. I sit up in bed, rubbing my face then gaze into my wrist and say a little prayer. This is my first tattoo located on my left wrist. It is a reminder for myself... for my mistakes, my foolishness and ultimately, my loss. I consider myself a very practical person. I am rarely spontaneous and I generally give big decisions a good thought...allowing myself to immerse myself in the idea of my choices. Most of the time, I tend to over think. But desperation totally overcame me which lead me to my predicament.

You see, over a year ago I got into a relationship out of utter desperation...a deep longing for a connection with another which ended up in myself getting manipulated and ultimately losing what could have been my first child. That's right, I impregnated this woman...(well I don't think she can pass off as a woman since she her mindset is pretty immature). So it boiled down to whether or not we wanted to keep the child. I was honestly torn primarily because I was truly unsure of having this child with this particular woman. I love children... Totally and I was excited of the idea of being a dad but again I was unsure of his woman. In the end though, the choice was made for us. Due to a complication, we had to abort.... I can not find the words to describe the feeling 'gut wrenching' would be an understatement. To this day, it tears me up knowing what I have done.

I am a very broken man... 041611