booo Giants

as promised to continue...
...she reach down to my no no parts and I was in total shock. I mean I was 14 years old and I could not understand what was happening. It felt like my whole body just shut down; I went numb. She took me by the hand and walked me into the adjacent room. It was totally dark and cold. My brain raced a million miles a minute. She pulled down my shorts and tidy whities then she proceeded to perform oral sex. Through all this I could not react... I just did not know how I was supposed to. I felt both a sense of pleasure, guilt, and shame all at the same time. After the whole thing ended, (for the dudes who are wondering... yes, she swallowed) she walked me out the door. She stuffed my pocket with a ₱100 bill and with a smile on her face she says, "Come back again tomorrow." Still unsure and confused at what just happened, I answered "Okay."


The walk home felt like the longest walk I have ever made in my life time. I was still trying to figure out what exactly happened. I did not know if I was supposed to tell someone or keep it a secret and even if I did, who was I supposed to tell. When I finally got home, I remembered just sitting on my bed just balled up in utter disbelief. Falling out of my pocket, I saw the ₱100 she shoved in there. Of all the thoughts that was flashing through my mind, the one that came out was... Wow, I just made ₱100. I mean how fucked up is that. I just got molested and the thing that stuck it my brain was money! I have looked back into this incident many times over the years and the only conclusion I could think of was that I was in defensive mode... trying to look past how I was violated. And I think that was what brought me back over to her door the next day.


It felt like I just emotionally shut out a part of myself...to my own reasoning, I was trying to take control (now, I know that I was just fooling myself). I knocked on that door...and it just escalated from the previous day. This went on for almost four months... some times she'd have her gal pals or gay friends over to watch. It was fucked up. I really do not know what went through my head in all that. I think that is why now-a-days, casual sex comes somewhat naturally. At the end of the day, I still long for that special someone who can help me make some sense out of my life... I am just fucked up.